Of the family Cervidae and my vision of their future (or lack thereof)

Deer are stupid.

My cross country coach had to miss practice the other day because he was hanging out at the rental car place after he was hit by one of these retards. He was driving down by the golf course when he saw a six point buck. The buck saw him and was like "this is as good a time as any" and decided to charge across the street. Bam. Completely crumples the side of the car. Knocks the thing out of alignment and everything. I don't think he said it was totaled, but I do know he's driving this rental for a week or so.

But here's the kicker: the deer survived. It stumbled around for a minute and ran back into the woods.

What the fuck?

I don't understand how we even have any deer left on the face of the earth anymore. They're just...so goddamn stupid. I've never seen a deer that seemed really sure of his surroundings at all. And yet, I still see them. I would think that they would have all died out shortly after the invention of roads.

I'll give 'em credit on that one, though. I mean, those roads are pretty goddamn irresistible. Every time I'm walking through the woods and I come across a busy highway, I have to really fight the urge to just go for it. I mean, if it's that dangerous to get across, it must be pretty friggin awesome over there. I'm gonna do it. Good luck, drivers!

Here's the thing. They kill people. Deer kill people. It happens all the time. So riddle me this: why haven't we taken care of the problem yet? Deer serve no purpose in this world, you know. I'm sure we can find some other animal to eat our gardens and be dumb and run around with no sense of purpose or direction. I just hate the fact that we let a big animal like a deer do this. Deer, pass the torch to the bunnies or something. They're just as tasty as you, and they won't destroy my car.

That's really all I care about. Those deer can continue to do whatever it is that they do so long as it's away from my car. I don't really hate deer just for the sake of hating deer, I just don't wanna die. But, they insist on carrying on with their dumbass antics, dancing around the interstate with that blank expression on their stupid faces.

Kill 'em all? Seems a bit harsh. But so does spending a week in a rental car while they dig antlers out of the side of your vehicle. Do your car a favor. Vote McCain.


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