9/3/08

Of being seventeen and the anatomy of an improv blog post

So, today's my birthday...or so I'm told.

People have been making a bigger deal about my birthday than I'd like them to. I hate getting the question "so do you feel seventeen?" No, I don't. I don't feel age. I didn't know that one did. Secondly, who are you, how do you know my birthday, and how did you know I'd be in the locker room at this time of day? Either you read my Myspace profile, or you're a creep.

I'm going to be graduating high school at seventeen. That's not that weird considering that most people at my school are young for their grade.

Alright, let's cut the bullshit. This post is going nowhere. You know that, and I know that. Nobody, not even me, cares about my birthday. How about we make this about something interesting, liiiiiiike...?

There's this fat kid at my school.

That didn't get me anywhere. Let's try some funny, totally true stories.

There's this fat kid at my school. He totally dropped his books today.

Haha, that fat kid. He's so outrageous. Let's add some more to this epic tale.

There's this fat kid at my school. He totally dropped his books today. I was gonna help him pick them up, but there were girls watching.

Okay, we got some conflict brewing here. Now I'm faced with a decision. Whatever will I do?

There's this fat kid at my school. He totally dropped his books today.
I was gonna help him pick them up, but there were girls watching. So I called him fat and kicked one of his books.

Nah, I don't like that. It needs to be more...shocking. Yes, shock laughs are always delicious. And we all know I could pull that off easily. Every humor writer has one secret weapon that no reader can withstand.

There's this fat kid at my school. He totally dropped his books today.
I was gonna help him pick them up, but there were girls watching. So I started sucking his dick and he started fisting me.

Ooh, juicy. Now we gotta make these characters a little more real, let's get some emotion in there to make them pop out, make them all 3-D and stuff. Go!

There's this fat kid at my school. He totally dropped his books today.
I was gonna help him pick them up, but there were girls watching. So I started sucking his dick and he started fisting me. I liked it.

Wow, I'm getting emotionally attached to this already. Now I'm just waiting for a conclusion. I'm already on the edge of mine seat, how is this all gonna end?

There's this fat kid at my school. He totally dropped his books today.
I was gonna help him pick them up, but there were girls watching. So I
started sucking his dick and he started fisting me. I liked it. Then the bell rang and I went to class.

OHHHHH SNAP SON! Who could have seen that coming? You always gotta use a twist ending like that one to keep the reader interested all the way to the end.

Alright, class dismissed. Next week, we'll discuss commas and why they're not to be trusted. Also, I'll show you that apostrophes have more of a place in modern society than one might think. Now scurry on outa here, ya little buggers. Me and Cindy have to go over some key concepts for extra credit...right after she's finished blowing me.

Cheers,
~SysRq

2 comments:

Autumn said...

You liked it, eh?
Scary.

SysRq said...

I did. That fat kid is one silly bitch.

Cheers,
~SysRq