Of digital rebirth and a little September silliness

Wow, four posts in August? I suck.

Anyways, I'm finally back online after a dangerous and sexy tangle with a nasty lil' virus. My computer pretty much got sodomized a few days ago; he was wearing a Trojan. *buh-doom, BSHHH!*

Actually, those are the only sex related virus jokes I'm going to do. I had one planned about digital chlamydia after some really cheap porn sites, but I decided that I needed to go a bit of a different direction with my first September post.

Instead, I plan to use more jokes like this gem:

So this virus on my computer changed my system clock to say "VIRUS TIME" instead of the actual time. This sucked, because every time I saw it, I thought "oh shit, I'm late!"

Another bulls eye.

Back to the story itself: I spent a good amount of time trying to combat this virus using what little administrative power the virus left me. I spent some time on the phone on hold for Trend Micro, which oddly did nothing. I also asked around IRC channels such as ##windows, the only non-Ubutnu related IRC channel in existence. Finally, I did what any easily frustrated, ADHD computer user would do: I reset the damn thing. I could hear the virus writhing in pain as I did it; it felt good. Don't worry, I backed up a ton of shit on mine and my brother's iPods. All should be good.

But alas, despite my computer's blazing speed and virgin hard drive, I cannot be completely happy. The computer gods of Microsoft would never allow this; they need my tears to quench the thirst of the developers so that they can make another shitty OS to enforce on the public. No, for whatever reason, some files just refuse to be copied. I'm sure some computer geek can and will tell me why certain files refuse to be deleted (I don't care if it's unreadable, that's why I want it GONE!) but I really do not care. I just want my music back and I want my Reason project files back. Thank god the latter are safe.

I guess I should just learn to see the forest for the trees. This was a great opportunity for me to experience the joys of a new computer without spending money. So the moral of this story is that if your computer is running a little pokey, go download a virus. Do it. Then you will be forced to reset your computer and you will experience true digital rebirth. Amen.


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