Of adventures in baking

Behold! for I am a man in the kitchen!

What is it about baking that is so feminine? We always assume that, if someone is female, they are baking. Or, if someone is baking, they are female. Or, if something has been baked, they are either Cheech & Chong or they are cookies baked by the womenfolk. And yet, here I am, a card-carrying man, and I am baking cookies and posting about it on the internet.

Perhaps I am simply looking for something edgy to write about, seeing as how my summer has drawn to a close and now refuses to offer such sweet story ideas as I have been able to write about in prior months. (Er, month, seeing as how this blog hasn't been around for very long.) They told me to stick to easy jokes. Nutshots, poop jokes, and a lethargic cartoon cat with an obsession with Italian food were all safe; I was to never touch baking jokes. Call this my way of sticking it to those Ivy leaguers with their nice jackets and their unpronouncable wines and their tiny breads and their fancy soaps and their disgusting cheeses and their shiny money and their fast cars and their over-achieving sons and their...stuff. I will be edgy and daring. I will talk about a subject so taboo that neither Obama nor McCain nor Jesus Christ (who is running as an independant this year) dare to mention it: men baking.

Ignore those queers on the Food Network for a second. Those are just puppets who found a good way to make money. I'm talking about real, live men who bake. (Gays aside as well, they do whatever they want without consequence) Men like me. Us male bakers have lived either in fear of being discovered, or have been living in ridicule for their lifestyle choice. I say, no more! For too long have we been forced to give up credit for delicious, delicious brownies for fear of being labeled fudge packers; too long have we hid our eggs and sticks of butter from sight, lest we be thought of as "butter dumpsters". Such injustices are not to be tolerated any longer.

Men! Bakers! Rise up against your female counterparts! Rise up against your dumbass friends who mock your secret life! Rise up against the society that has rejected you! RISE UP!

Looking back, this is pretty stupid. There are plenty of male bakers out there. What the hell was I thinking?

Must have been the salvia in those cookies.



Autumn said...

Cookies. Yum.
Just don't leave crumbs in the keyboard. XD

SysRq said...

Actually, my cookies didn't come out as good as they usually do. Must have been the different brown sugar I used, since I was out of the stuff I usually use. I just happened to find some that my neighbor brought over, but it smelled weird and led to some consistency issues. =/

Thanks for reading.