Of more than a few neighbors confused about the actual time of the upcoming holiday season and other outstanding October occurrences

It's October.

Did you know: there are thirty days in the month of October that are NOT Halloween? In fact, Halloween occurs at the end of the month, after these first thirty days pass.

Today is October 5th. And yet, my neighbors are baffled by the above statement. They are absolutely convinced that it is both necessary and proper for them to put out their cotton cobwebs and funny dead witches that look like they ran into a tree as early as September. Right now, I can walk through my neighborhood and count at least thirty pumpkins, twelve skeletons, and a good two dozen "KEEP OUT" signs written in red paint on the front door. That's just dumb.

My rule is that one may start preparations for Halloween a good week before the 31st, so as to not appear like a total dork. By putting out your decorations early, you are announcing to the world that "yeah, Target dictates my life with what they put on sale and when they do it!" You people make me sick. Literally sick, I think those Jelly Bellies you gave me last year were sitting out for too long. Serves me right for trick-or-treating on New Year's.

Remember when you were little and Halloween was just the greatest thing in the world? And then, when you were like 9 years old, those bastards told you there were razor blades in the candy. Congratulations, Safety Pete. You just took away one more holiday from me. Maybe that's why I get so bitter around this time of year. Or it could just be them Sour Skittles. I have a love/hate relationship with those things.

I guess I'm being hypocritical when it comes to this whole "Halloween isn't until the 31st" thing by talking about it so much on the 5th. So let's talk about a different day that is not today, for that is the theme of this post: days that are not this day. Work with me here.

October 14th should instantly mean two things to you if you are me. The first of those two things is that I get to go take my permit test again after failing it a total of one (1) times. Goddamn road signs. I feel like running 'em all over now. Can't wait to get my permit so I can go do that. Oh wait...damn you irony!

The second thing that may or may not occur on the 14th is that the new MacBooks and MBPs are supposed to be released. At long last, a date has been determined by the rumor mill, images have been faked and their creators ostracized by the online community, stories have been fabricated, reputations and credibility have been destroyed, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse have come and gone with their order from Chipotle. All of the signs of new MacBooks have passed; now we must simply surf the internet obsessively to feast our eyes on fake "leaked" images of aluminum shells that really mean nothing.

The idea of an aluminum MacBook certainly gets me hot and bothered as it is. But what's all this business about a MacBook Touch? People have been telling me for a while that, for some reason, I want a tablet Mac. Am I the only one who thinks this is dumb? I don't want to be sitting in class, dragging my filthy, Cheetoh-stained fingers all over my screen when I could be performing the same actions with just a few keystrokes. I like my keyboard. It's cool. I'm used to it. Command C? Command W? Command Q? Command Tab? F9? All good stuff. I don't feel like tapping around a lot to do the exact same things. I don't use my mouse a whole lot, even on my desktop. I find it to be a luxury. The multi-touch interface works great on the iPhone, which is small and ultra-portable. But I can't see multi-touch increasing productivity on a laptop. Sorry guys, I think Apple is smarter than that.

Or not. Whatever. I'm not buying one, I don't care. I'll just end up getting my hands on one of the new MacBooks or MBPs.

So, what's the moral of this story, kids?

Always remember what day it is. And if you put out Christmas decorations any time before Thanksgiving, I'll egg your house.


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